It's pretty easy for me to know this pregnancy is real. I'm bloated, my pants are tighter, I'm constantly nauseous but need to keep eating 24/7, I get up twice a night now to go to the loo, I'm exhausted, and I have tightenings and crampings and things going on in my tummy. Pretty obvious really. But for my husband, it's a little bit harder to be hit with the reality of it. Sure, he saw two lines on the test. He hears my whingeing about the nausea. He tries to pay attention to what foods he can't serve me anymore. But for him, it's not quite as real. He's not living it 24/7 like I am, he only gets the occasional tidbit fed from me.
In a way, I think I'm the lucky one, although I think a little anxiety comes with it too... when I stop feeling nauseous, I actually worry. This all changed when I had my first ultrasound. I have asked my husband to come with me to all my fertility specialist appointments ever since I felt vulnerable and emotional alone at my first one. He accepted without a question. I don't think he really thought he was needed but understood that I wanted him there. Well, I'm pretty sure he was glad he came to this one.
We sat together in the lovely waiting room, discussing the fact that they have a coffee machine at a fertility specialist - shouldn't they be advocating less caffeine? Oh, right, they offer decaf. Our inane musings were interrupted when we were called in to the rooms, where we had a brief discussion before we got down to serious business. There I was, in the undiginifed position of having my feet in stirrups with a very phallically shaped tool approaching my nether regions - not exactly romantic or emotional stuff, until the picture came up on the screen.
There it was, a tiny blob in a dark coloured space, with a little flutter. And then there was a sound - whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh - "there's the heartbeat" says the specialist, "who's heartbeat?" says my beautiful husband, "our baby's" say I.
A bit of silence ensues. It's real.
The fertility specialist went on, doing what he does to check what he needs, when another surprise greets us. "And there's another sac". Twins?? I looked, and saw the sac was empty. He searched for a little while, but couldn't find another bean. We still don't know whether that bean didn't make it, or whether it was just a little slow. We won't find out if we have one or two until our 10 week ultrasound. It's very exciting, but I must admit, if there's only one, I'll be a little sad that we lost one.
The specialist goes back to have another little look at the first beating bean (or maybe it was for our benefit) before he finishes up and leaves the room. I look up at my husband. He's grinning like a cheshire cat. He starts jumping up and down with the most amazing look of love and utter happiness on his face. He says, "thanks so much for making me come with you". He's stoked. Actually, he's beyond stoked. Today it was very very real for him and it was amazing to see him so excited. I can't wait for our next ultrasound... the joy of technology!
In a way, I think I'm the lucky one, although I think a little anxiety comes with it too... when I stop feeling nauseous, I actually worry. This all changed when I had my first ultrasound. I have asked my husband to come with me to all my fertility specialist appointments ever since I felt vulnerable and emotional alone at my first one. He accepted without a question. I don't think he really thought he was needed but understood that I wanted him there. Well, I'm pretty sure he was glad he came to this one.
We sat together in the lovely waiting room, discussing the fact that they have a coffee machine at a fertility specialist - shouldn't they be advocating less caffeine? Oh, right, they offer decaf. Our inane musings were interrupted when we were called in to the rooms, where we had a brief discussion before we got down to serious business. There I was, in the undiginifed position of having my feet in stirrups with a very phallically shaped tool approaching my nether regions - not exactly romantic or emotional stuff, until the picture came up on the screen.
There it was, a tiny blob in a dark coloured space, with a little flutter. And then there was a sound - whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh - "there's the heartbeat" says the specialist, "who's heartbeat?" says my beautiful husband, "our baby's" say I.
A bit of silence ensues. It's real.
The fertility specialist went on, doing what he does to check what he needs, when another surprise greets us. "And there's another sac". Twins?? I looked, and saw the sac was empty. He searched for a little while, but couldn't find another bean. We still don't know whether that bean didn't make it, or whether it was just a little slow. We won't find out if we have one or two until our 10 week ultrasound. It's very exciting, but I must admit, if there's only one, I'll be a little sad that we lost one.
The specialist goes back to have another little look at the first beating bean (or maybe it was for our benefit) before he finishes up and leaves the room. I look up at my husband. He's grinning like a cheshire cat. He starts jumping up and down with the most amazing look of love and utter happiness on his face. He says, "thanks so much for making me come with you". He's stoked. Actually, he's beyond stoked. Today it was very very real for him and it was amazing to see him so excited. I can't wait for our next ultrasound... the joy of technology!
Thinking of you, Dizzyanne, and hoping like crazy that this time all goes well. It must be very hard.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'm pretty sure we go to the same clinic - the stylish waiting room, the coffee machine...
MsBreeze
xxx