Please, Mr University Professor Man

My husband is studying his MBA, which means he has Uni one evening a week, and 2 assignments or exams every 8 weeks.  Put this on top of full time work and you've got a pretty heavy workload.  Somehow, we manage to co-ordinate play, work, study, and normal everyday stuff so nothing gets in the way of anything else (too much).  We've also been super lucky so far that nothing has ever got in the way of the prime baby making time.  You always see on movies and read in books, a woman taking her temperature in the middle of the day and calling her husband to say "it's time... you have to come home right now so we can make a baby!"  Well, it doesn't quite work like that.  There is an optimal time, but it's the 4 days or so in the lead up to ovulation - which you don't know when will happen until after the event.  So it's a bit of  a tricky science, and involves some intuition, research, estimated guessing and sign reading.  But you can usually pretty much identify a week or so that is super important in the baby making stakes.

It happened to be this super important baby making week for us, that my husband was scheduled an assignment - to be completed in 5 days (exactly the baby making window).  So there was my poor husband, heading to work in the morning, then studying til late at night each evening, then needing to 'perform' when all he wanted to do was fall into bed and disappear into a coma like state of deep sleep.  I think we still managed pretty well, but we'd prefer not to have this sort of pressure on us again.

So please, Mr University Professor Man - talk to me first before setting dates for your assignments.

Monsters

I had my first real pang of jealousy recently.  Actually, it was more than jealousy.  I think that little monster has raised its head a few times, but she's only a little monster, I'm not too concerned.  I had a bigger monster visit.  I'm not sure what it's called, but it sure has an excellent uppercut.

My mum was on the phone to my uncle, who had the news that my cousin had just given birth to a baby boy.  She was due three weeks before me.  Now, I've had pregnancy announcements before and have been fine.  In fact, I've been super happy and excited and all gooey and have loved visiting and having baby cuddles.

This one was different.

I think it must be because she was due so close to me.  There was happiness for her there, but it was buried under a layer of sadness.  Absolute immense sadness.  I just stopped what I was doing and felt the sadness wave over me.  I felt tears slide down my cheeks.  It was so heavy.  I haven't quite shaken that sadness yet.  It's been a week.  I'm wondering when it will lift.  Maybe when I get past my due date.  Two weeks to go.  I sure hope so.

Refreshment

 After the rollercoaster ride of the last few months, it was nice to do something just for us.  A little bit of spoiling.  My hubby and I headed off on a two week jaunt around the NT in a 4WD campervan.

The first few nights saw us sleeping under the stars on the banks of the river with four other people and countless crocodiles, so even if it was 'that time', any babymaking shenanigans were out of the question.  Apparently it's mating time for freshwater crocs, and we certainly did not want to attract that kind of attention!  This was somewhat refreshing.  We were out on holiday, away from work, our house, our bedroom and in a brand new, absolutely stunning environment.  It took our mind off (a little) trying to conceive and put our focus back on us.  I tell you what, it was lovely.  Now there is the challenge of bringing a little bit of that into our 'normal' life.  Let's hope we remain inspired (or just find a gorgeous natural plunge pool in the middle of nowhere with no-one else to be seen!)

There's No Chocolate in the House!

Sometimes you just have those days, or even those moments, when you really need chocolate in the house.  I am having one of those days!

It began this morning with a BFN (big fat negative - on the home pregnancy test).  Not a great start to the day.  I really really want to be pregnant (of course) - but for more reasons than wanting a baby.  I have very little hope that the next pregnancy will end well, but what I do believe, is that if I have another miscarriage, my fertility specialist will help me.  Because nothing is happening to help me now.  So, I really want to get pregnant, because if I miscarry again, I will get more help.  But nay, I'm not.

There were a few other things that contributed to my chocolate-seeking state including it being my first day back at work after a wonderful two week holiday, and, at the work lunch get together, the non gluten free people eating all the gluten free soup, leaving me with nothing to eat for lunch.

Grrr.

But alas, we have no chocolate in the house.