Today is the day I was supposed to start maternity leave. Ah, how lovely that would have been! I would be having a baby in 5 weeks time! I truly can't imagine that, but it would have been real. It was real. Well, it would have been real. It doesn't feel real. Was it ever real?
Or am I dreaming?
I thought I would be a bit of a mess when this day came. But I'm not. I'm fine. I feel normal. I think it's because it all feels like a dream. Not the fertility issues part - I have too many blood tests for that not to feel real. But the 'I was pregnant' part (3 times!!). That part feels like a dream. It feels like it never was. I never got those two lines on that test; I never had those niggly pains in my tummy; I never felt like I had to constantly eat to allay the nausea; I never called our bub 'Pea'; I never seriously thought about baby names; I never started bleeding; I never got that bad pain; I never had that miscarriage... (or 3).
But I did - I did do all those things. It just feels like it was all in a dream.
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