Monsters

I had my first real pang of jealousy recently.  Actually, it was more than jealousy.  I think that little monster has raised its head a few times, but she's only a little monster, I'm not too concerned.  I had a bigger monster visit.  I'm not sure what it's called, but it sure has an excellent uppercut.

My mum was on the phone to my uncle, who had the news that my cousin had just given birth to a baby boy.  She was due three weeks before me.  Now, I've had pregnancy announcements before and have been fine.  In fact, I've been super happy and excited and all gooey and have loved visiting and having baby cuddles.

This one was different.

I think it must be because she was due so close to me.  There was happiness for her there, but it was buried under a layer of sadness.  Absolute immense sadness.  I just stopped what I was doing and felt the sadness wave over me.  I felt tears slide down my cheeks.  It was so heavy.  I haven't quite shaken that sadness yet.  It's been a week.  I'm wondering when it will lift.  Maybe when I get past my due date.  Two weeks to go.  I sure hope so.